Beneath the Layers - January
Happy Hump Day!
I'm starting a new series today, as it's been on my heart to open this space up to more personal things, to keep it vulnerable and a place where you can come to feel validated. As women, and moms, we often times feel the same feelings, no matter how many kids you do or don't have, no matter where you live or what you do. But somehow, we all think we're alone, we think we're crazy for being crazy, and feel misunderstood. But guess what? Your crazy is actually totally relatable, while it might appear different on the outside, the heart of the matters are all the same. I hope you can find some inspiration, some hope and maybe even a few laughs knowing that we're all in this together. There's peace & unity in community.
Each month, I want to address a fear that I have, and a negative thought or self-talk that I engage with. What will follow those is an affirmation that I tell myself, something to combat those feelings, along with an action plan of how I intend to conquer those thoughts.
My hope in sharing these with you is to show you that you're not alone. It's easy to look at someone's life (or what you might think you know of it) and make judgments, assumptions and even paint a vivid picture. "She has it all together, she doesn't have struggles, her kids are perfect, her marriage is incredible, etc.." But guess what? We ALL struggle, and while many of our struggles can look different, they all feel. I want to live in a world where feelings are currency - where we can exchange feelings and invest in peoples hearts, invest in their feelings - not in their circumstances or image.
I fear losing my kids. I've addressed some anxiety on the blog before, but I wanted to start with this one because I was blown away with how many of you said "ME TOO!" when I for sure thought I was some sort of paranoid lunatic. I check that they're breathing each night, I think worst-case scenarios when we're out in public, near a road, in the car or even when I give them a bath. My greatest fear comes in the way of losing a child.
I hear myself saying things like "I should relax, I should be less controlling, I should trust God more, I am in over my head." The reality is this: sometimes love looks a little (lot) crazy and what might look or feel right for you, isn't my path, and visa-versa. I'm working to be unapolegitc about who I am, about how I love and about my why. Because once you own & accept those parts of you, that... that is where real growth and change can begin.
I do my very best watching out for my kids, protecting them and keeping them safe. Ultimately I'm not in control, and my children belong to a God who is far greater and more protective than I could ever dream to be. I am capable, I do my best, and my fear is born out of love.
When I have this overwhelming anxiety, I just pray. I pray that God would rid me of these fears, instill a peace in me - a knowing that these are His babies, His precious warm babies all snuggled up in their beds. I ask that he would wrap his arms around them and protect them - that they would live out His will for their lives. And then, I do my best to drop it. I focus on that peace & comfort and try to move on. I engage with positive thoughts - how blessed I am to be their mama, how thankful I am to have a healthy family and a warm home, and how sweet life really is.
Let's remember that we're all in this together, that often the best support is someone who's going through it right there with you. I hope you'll share in the comments if you have other responses, fears, or vulnerabilities - sometimes talking about it is just enough to take that weight off our shoulders!